umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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