12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
