cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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