He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
then he tried to convert me to islam
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
