I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize