I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
