I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
