oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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