She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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