Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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