I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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