Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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