We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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