this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
