Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
