gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
