We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
