Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
