I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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