Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
