I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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