First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
