Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
