if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
