Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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