So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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