Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
