Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
