.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize