i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
