why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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