ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
