oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
