Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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