she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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