Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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