I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
