At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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