We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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