If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
