nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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