have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
