this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
