You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
