I don't remember. Are we still dating?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
