Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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