I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
