kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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