I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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