thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
