you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
