I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
