Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If that was your dad, he is hot
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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