i permit you to call me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Randomize
