We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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