Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
