I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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