I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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