we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Mom said you looked used
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
3 2 1 whiskey
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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