Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
