Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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