So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I intend to get homeless drunk
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I touched a dick in church today
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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