I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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