they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
