I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
