This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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