Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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