i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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